Campfire songs

You'll never go to heaven

Leader = L
Audience response = A

L Oh you`ll never go to Heaven
A Oh you`ll never go to Heaven
L In an old Ford car
A In an old Ford car
L ‘Cos an old ford car
A ‘Cos an old Ford car
L Won`t get that far
A Won`t get that far.

Chorus (All)
I ain’t gonna grieve my lord no more, no more
I ain’t gonna grieve my lord
I ain’t gonna grieve my lord
I ain’t gonna grieve my lord no more.

You'll never go to heaven in a ping pong ball
'Cos a ping pong ball is much too small.

You'll never go to heaven in a limousine
'Cos the lord ain’t go no gasoline.

You'll never go to heaven in a Sabre Jet
'Cos the lord ain’t go no runways yet.

You'll never go to heaven in a Girl Guides arms
'Cos the lord don't want those feminine charms.

You'll never go to heaven in a rocking chair
'Cos the lord don't want no rockers there.

You'll never go to heaven in a wicker chair
'Cos the lord don’t want no baskets there.

You'll never go to heaven in a biscuit tin
'Cos a biscuit tin's got biscuits in.

You'll never go to heaven in a apple tree
'Cos an apple tree’s got roots you see.

You'll never get to heaven on roller skates
You'd slip right by them Pearly Gates.

You'll never get to heaven in your girlfriend's bra
'Cos your girlfriend’s bra don't stretch that far.

You'll never get to heaven on a plate of glass
'Cos a plate of glass gonna cut your leg.

You'll never get to heaven on Richard's bike
'Cos you'll get halfway, then you'll have to hike.

You'll never get to heaven in Mike's car
'Cos Mike's car stops at every bar.

You'll never get to heaven with a bottle of gin
'Cos St Peter don't let them spirits in.

You'll never get to heaven in Ivor's pants
'Cos Ivor's pants are full of ants.

You'll never get to heaven, on water skis
'Cos the angels don't like hairy knees.

Oh you can't get to heaven with powder and paint
'Cos it makes you look like what you ain't.

Oh you can't get to heaven in a strapless gown
'Cos a strapless gown thing might fall right down.

Oh I want to go to heaven, and I want to do it right
So I'll go up to heaven all dressed in white.

Oh one fine day, and it won't be long
You'll look for me, and I'll be gone

And if you get to heaven before I do
Just drill a hole and pull me through.

But if I get to heaven before you do
I'll drill a hole and spit on you.

Well if I get to heaven, before you do
I'll plug that hole, with shavings and glue.

That's all there is, there is no more
St Peter said, as he shut the door.

Oh there's one more thing I forgot to tell
If you don't go to heaven, you'll go to...bed.

And that's the end, St. Peter said
As he closed the gates, and went to bed.

Alternative Chorus (1)
I ain't gonna grieve (i-eve-i-eve) my Lord no more
I ain't gonna drink
I ain't gonna swear
I ain't gonna... Ooh, I wouldn't dare!
I ain't gonna grieve (i-eve-i-eve) my Lord no more, any more.

Alternative Chorus (2)
I ain't gonna grieve (i-eve-i-eve) my Lord no more
I ain't gonna grieve
I ain't gonna worry
I ain't gonna leave my Lord in a hurry
I ain't gonna grieve (i-eve-i-eve) my Lord no more, any more.